The point where I said that "it just makes me wonder whether the path I chose is the right one for me?" makes me thinks that whether being active in NYPCO is the right choice for me. It makes me have lesser time with friends and family. Especially when concerts are coming and there are lots of extra practices to make sure the concert goes well, it does makes me feel sick thinking that every night there are CO practice. And the point that I don’t have many friends inside the orchestra now makes me feel even sicker.

I didn’t or rather never want to choose the path of not going out with my girlfriends anymore. I really wanted to head down the flea market when I receive Pearlyn's message last Saturday but there's additional practice. I want to go supper with you ladies tonight over at Fei Fei wonton noodles but I also have additional practice tonight. The Beautiful Sunday concert is less than 2 weeks from now. I cannot afford or cannot even miss any practice. I know you ladies might be kind of sick hearing that I can’t meet all of you because of my practices but I do not have any choice to choose.

There is a point of time when I really feel like ranting all these things out but I just can’t find anyone to hear me out. All of you are busy with your own stuffs and I really feel suffocated at that point of time.

Pardon me for ranting all this. Ignore this post if you feel irritated.